Andrew Bennett continues his review of last season, continuing into January.

New Year's Day is a traditional occasion for local derbies, so the Conference kindly packed United off to their long-standing East Anglian rivals, Kidderminster Harriers. Thanks, guys.

Shane Herbert returned in place of the hapless Crichton but otherwise the team remained unchanged.

The spotlight soon fell on the home goal, however, as Harriers keeper Scott Bevan turned out to be in inspired form, foiling Brady and Robbie Simpson with a string of superb saves.

United had given as good as they had got but fell behind to a thirty-yard Gavin Hurran wonder strike on 64, which three keepers couldn't have stopped, never mind one.

They continued to fight gamely, Robbie having a goal harshly disallowed on 77, and despite a late assault on the Kiddie goal more frantic than the opening of the Harrods sale, only with marginally less handbags, Bevan and co denied them a deserved point. The luckless U's fell to 19th, two points above the drop zone. Bring on the transfer window.

Previously powerless to bring in his own players, JQ wasted no time in bringing in new blood.

38-year-old veteran Dean Holdsworth was first in, closely followed by Wayne Purser from Weymouth to double the Wayne Purser count at the Abbey.

Liam Marum departed for Woking, to the fans' regret, looking for a longer contract than he could get from United. Anticipation mounted for the new strike force's home debut against Forest Green, only for the match to be called off due to a waterlogged pitch.

The forward cull continued the next week, with Carey-Bertram leaving for Forest Green 'by mutual consent' after a disappointing spell in amber and black, while Gash was loaned out to his old club City for the rest of the season. The sad news also broke that Ritchie Hanlon had been forced to retire at the age of 28, typifying United's misfortune-blighted season.

The new forward line got its first start at home to Stafford Rangers on the 13th.

An undistinguished first half-hour saw United marginally on top, then go one down to a goal that was scruffier than Worzel Gummidge after a heavy night on the cider. A David Oldfield free-kick was followed by mayhem in the box and an eventual tap-in for Dolapo Olaoye.

The rest of the match was a depressing morass of hopeful, hopeless long balls and a complete lack of finesse and imagination as Stafford comfortably held on without mustering another shot in anger.

Five home defeats in a row; the season had become a nightmare, reminiscent of the bad old days of 1984/85. Defeat after defeat, a new manager floundering, Steve Wright and his Afternoon Posse on the radio, The Police, OMD, China Crisis and The Pogues announcing tours, and a government consisting of a bunch of increasingly extreme right-wing lunatics. Had we gone back in time, were we in a coma or had we just gone mad? David Bowie's 'Loving The Alien' drifted from a passing radio...

Another striker left on the Monday, the out-of-favour Marcus Richardson departing the Abbey for the second time, this time bound for Crawley.

Purser notched his first United goal in a low-key 3-2 friendly defeat at Chelmsford, while veteran defender Dean Hooper (pictured) entered talks to join and it was revealed that Rob Gier was to leave, sacrificed as a non-contract player to free up funds as under-contract Matt Bloomer was still unable to find himself another club.

The Youth Team's brave cup run came to an end, 4-1 at Cardiff, unfortunately short of support as traffic chaos meant that a fans' coach was forced to turn back before Birmingham.

Tommy Jaszczun was still battling to save his career and was to have further foot surgery.

His erstwhile team-mates' next challenge was away at Stevenage. Hooper replaced the departed Gier as a wing-back in the return of 3-5-2, Brady in a roving role behind Holdsworth and Purser, while Herbert retained his place in goal despite Crichton's availability after suspension.

Early impressions were favourable as United knocked it around well, and they took a merited lead on 27 through a close-range header from the old fox in the box, Deano.

Holdsworth also hit the post in an impressive first half that ended controversially with a kerfuffle in the tunnel which resulted in JQ being banished to the stands for part two. Well, the fans had been crying out for him to show a bit of passion. Holdsworth hit the post again early on with a superb angled blaster but five minutes later it all started to go wrong as Hooper was penalised for handball in the area. He was only booked, but John Nutter slotted home the resultant penalty to level the scores.

United's fragile self-confidence sagged as Boro raised their game and on 73 it was 2-1 to the hosts through Mark Beard. They now fell apart completely defensively and two minutes later Dale Binns doubled the lead.

Youth teamer Michael Hyem made his first-team debut as sub with ten minutes to go (above), but the game was up long before Steve Morison made it a flattering 4-1 just before the end to send United plummeting into the bottom four. Could it get any worse?

We had our answer three days later in another local derby at Rushden's Nene Park. Crichton was recalled and United reverted to 4-4-2, but there was consternation as the full desperation of the management's selection policy was exposed when Andy Duncan lined up in midfield, while Josh Simpson and Stephen Smith warmed the bench.

The U's made a disastrous start, Crichton palming the ball to Simeon Jackson on 7 to present the striker with the hosts' opening goal. The first half was shocking, United looking like nervous kittens at the back, sleepy Bagpusses in the middle and the tigers up front left toothless by a chronic lack of supply. The half-time airing of Talking Heads' 'Road To Nowhere' had never seemed more apposite.

The second was no better, old Deans Hooper and Holdsworth withdrawing through injury, neither to start a United game again. Poor defending presented Chris Beardsley with Diamonds' second on 74, triggering 'Quinn Out' chants from the disgruntled amber hordes, and Michael Rankine made it 3-0 six minutes later. "We're going down without a fight!" sang the long-suffering U's supporters before entering into a final, defiant rendering of "Everywhere we go", raging against the dying of the Conference light.

A late, late consolation goal from Morrison could not disguise a truly appalling performance and seventh consecutive defeat. General opinion was that Quinn was history, but chairman Power stated that he was "100%" behind him, adding cautiously that "football is all about results, and they need to change very quickly." To JQ's credit, he acted swiftly to reports that Crichton had verbally abused supporters behind the goal and arranged to ship him out on loan to King's Lynn.

The next week saw three new faces added to the squad, midfield bruiser Christian 'Brick Wall' Smith from Port Vale and Charles Ademeno and Carl Patten from Southend. Off the field, it emerged that the club was to call upon its former directors to fulfil their Abbey rental payment guarantees, but they were insistent that their liabilities were to the landlords and not the football club.

Without a fit full-back to choose from, it was back to 3-5-2 for the home clash with Woking, with an entirely new midfield trio of Brown, Bridges and Brick Wall, Herbert back in goal and Robbie Simpson restored up front alongside Purser.

Sometimes the best solutions are arrived at almost by accident, and the U's emerged with jaws set squarer than David Coulthard. A brisk start was rewarded with a vital early goal, a tremendous Simpson strike on the quarter hour. Everyone clicked, led from deep by Brown, and up front a goal machine emerged as Robbie doubled United's lead with a 25-yard blaster on the half hour.

The jet-heeled Ademeno made a favourable impression when introduced midway into the second half, and a marvellous, healing day was completed on 76 when the inspirational Brown scored a fantastic individual goal, dribbling from halfway to collapse the Cards' defence and make it 3-0. Never had there been such a dramatic transformation in the space of four scant days. Now United had hope.

Hope was raised off the pitch, too, the next day as a group of United fans met up with John Howard's business partner, Stephen Clark, and enjoyed a cordial and constructive dialogue about the future of CUFC. The club's AGM followed, with details emerging of the offer of £600k funding from Paul Barry, Adrian Hanauer and Johnny Hon subject to radical changes in the club's share structure and rules, the alternative to which would probably be oblivion. An EGM would be required. Meanwhile a ten-year £300k sponsorship deal was revealed for the South Stand and outsourcing of the club shop also planned.

On the last day of the open transfer window Matt Bloomer finally moved on, to Grimsby, and Holdsworth also departed after a brief but cheering cameo for pastures and reality TV new, while Patten moved on to Bishop's Stortford. United had a five-figure offer (four tenners and a fiver?) accepted for Dagenham's Cliff Akurang, but he decided to go on loan to Thurrock instead, for some reason.

In came Jordan Collins' brother Aidan, released by Ipswich after extensive knee injury problems, cover keeper Dan Crane, and the unexpected return of the prodigal son, Daniel Chillingworth. He returned to a mixed reception, but was soon to prove all his doubters wrong. From now on it was Dans, not Deans.

Andrew Bennett

[July 2006 ] [August] [September] [October] [November] [December]

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