Match: v Woking - Nationwide Football Conference

Date: Saturday, December 9th 2006

Result: Woking 0 Cambridge United 1

THE JOURNEY

Departure Time: 10.45am

Arrival at Ground: As you might expect, traffic was a bit iffy in places leading to the M25 and, of course, on it, but having remembered that the final stage of the journey last season took us through the town centre, we came up with a Plan B that avoided an entanglement with Christmas Shoppers.

As passing the 'Happy Fish' bar near the ground, which looked much more appetising than Morrisey's 'Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now Fish Bar' which, apparently, was just round the corner, we arrived just before 12.30pm.

AT THE GROUND

The Ground: Set on the edge of Old Woking, in leafy Surrey it's perhaps not too surprising to find that the only things to have changed since our last visit back in March were the name of United's match winner and the addition of even more dust in the stands that run along one side of the pitch. I use the plural 'stands' advisedly as, if there had been a competition to get as many different styles of construction in one football ground, Woking would have won it hands down.

The showcase for this hotchpotch approach was, as I mentioned, along one side where a bus-shelter style disabled area led to an area of backless seats bolted onto what looked like railway sleepers. This, in turn, was close to an old-fashioned wooden grandstand with steps leading up to it at the front, and myriad pillars to block the view. An open terrace completed the side. All these areas were separate, linked only by the green paint that peeled from each of their sides.

To the right of this loose conglomeration was a massive, new stand that towered over the rest of the ground and was as different in style from everything else as a tower block is from a tumbledown cottage. While the rest of the ground was traditionally non-league this stand looked as though it had wandered in from the Premiership by mistake. Other than its incongruity, the main disadvantage to this stand was the permanent shadow it cast making the well-sanded, soggy goalmouth in front of it look like Weston-super-Mare with the tide out.

Opposite, was a low, covered terrace that looked like the Habbin Stand filmed in 4:3 aspect but viewed in wide screen, while open terracing ran the length of the remaining side of the ground. This was the area given to away fans. Looming over the white metal fence at the back of this terrace green, hanger-like constructions looked as though they might house airships but instead were the home to a local snooker club.

Spindly floodlight poles - they weren't substantial enough to be called pylons - were in each corner. One floodlight, which was surrounded by a less than safe-looking three foot 'safety' fence, had no cover to protect its wiring from the elements. This may have had a part to play in the afternoon's entertainment when, just before the interval, about half the lights on each pole went out. It was perhaps just as well that umpire 'Dickie' Bird wasn't in charge of the match as he certainly would have taken the players off for bad light. As it was, the combined efforts of an electrician and someone finding a shilling for the meter ensured the announced ten minute delay to the start of the second half failed to materialise.

Mascot: Woking's mascot, KC, purported to be a cat, but looked more like Betty Boo with flurry ears and a tail. With a style of walking that made it look as though it was wearing a nappy that needed changing, it stalked visiting players as they entered and left the pitch before the match. However, its antics were as nothing compared to those of a track suited gentlemen who, perhaps not setting the best example to the ball boys of whom he seemed to be in charge, stormed onto the pitch in high dudgeon after the match looking to pick a fight with Jon Brady.

United Fans: Got the Christmas spirit ten minutes from the end with a very festive rendition of 'Jingle Bells'.

View from Away End: U's fans were given the whole side terrace, so there was plenty of room to move around. Many did at half time, to be at the end United were attacking - and they were rewarded.

Home Fans: Patrick Duffy is appearing in Cinderella at the New Victoria Theatre in Woking and Cards fans would hope to emerge from the shower to find that losing at home to United for a second consecutive season was all a dream.

Police/Stewards: There were no police in the ground, and the stewards had nothing do until they decided to run across to where the United fans were celebrating the goal with the players at the front of the terracing. Perhaps they wanted to join in the celebrations too as they didn't achieve anything else by running over there.

Programme: 48 pages for £2.50 with plenty of readable articles - although the phrase 'Come on, you Cards!' at the end of most of them did get a bit wearing after a while.

Food/Drink: Tea, at 60p, was ok although the sachets of sugar had solidified into lumps. Our guest taster Wayne Purser was impressed with the hot dogs.

State of Toilets: At the back of the terrace, the facilities were not for the shy. The door was open so you were on full view to anyone not enthralled by the football.

AFTERWARDS

The Journey Home: Our route back to the M25 obviously took us through a classy part of Surrey as the Christmas lights were very tasteful - particularly in the village of Ripley where they had stylishly festooned the trees that lined the main street - and there was not an illuminated Homer Simpson to be seen!

Mileage: 170.5 miles

Total Distance for Season: 2,853.5 miles

Mark Johnson, with additional reporting by David Gray, Paul Johnson, Ryan Johnson and Gordon McMillan

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AT061211