Match: v Weymouth - Nationwide Conference

Date: Saturday, August 19th, 2006

Result: Weymouth 2 Cambridge United 1

The Journey

Departure Time: Just after 8am.

Arrival at Ground: I had been concerned that I was leaving a little too early, and there was still a niggling doubt when I stopped at Winchester services for some much-needed caffeine. Although expensive, the services were a veritable Aladdin's Cave of bizarre items you'd never consider buying. One that particularly caught the eye was an amber and black space hopper that claimed was guaranteed to take you back to the 70s! On reflection, perhaps we should have bought one each, as they might have proved a quicker mode of travel for the remaining section of the journey.

The stretch from the bottom of the M3 all the way into Weymouth was an absolute nightmare, filled with numerous caravans and heavy traffic running into each other as they queued to negotiate roundabouts on an ever-decreasing number of carriageways.

As we crawled into Weymouth, there was plenty of time to look at the series of odd objects in people's front gardens, such as the fire engine for hire from the 'party fire brigade' - apparently stretch limos are so last year in Weymouth.

We finally arrived in the car park at the ground shortly before 1.30pm.

At The Ground

The Ground: Once at the ground, all my problems were over... or not, as the case may be!

There was a small, enclosed press box and the reporter for the local BBC radio station clearly did not want me commentating from in it - presumably because it was a local box for local people. Having been told to broadcast from another area of press seats, eight or nine rows in front of this box, and supplied with a 'phone lead which was, coincidentally, just the right length, I was set up and ready to broadcast in the nick of time. So far so good then...

Well, not as far as one of the many blazered club officials milling around was concerned who, quite correctly, identified the long trailing lead as a trip hazard and that taping down was needed. This required more tape that I actually had with me, much to the chagrin of the Safety Officer who asked why the club hadn't been informed of our requirements.

Nonplussed at being told that that they had been informed, and that I was not about to go back to Cambridge for some more tape, it was clear by now that although he didn't actually want to prevent me from commentating on the match, he hadn't the foggiest idea where I could actually work.

Fortunately, I remembered the barely acceptable compromise solution we had found prior to our visit last season, so Steve Line and I ended up commentating while standing at the top of the steps that led up the main stand. This was a solution that didn't thrill a local cameraman who complained that he might as well go home if we were going to stay where we were. After the fiasco that had led up to this point in the day, I'm not sure I gave him the response he was hoping for.

At the top of a hill overlooking the town, the Wessex Stadium provides contrasting views of the surrounding countryside. While, in one direction, you can see the edge of the white cliffs that lead all the way east round the coast back to Kent - well, you can if you stand on tiptoes at the back of the main stand - turn 180 degrees and you get a good view of a decrepit looking speedway stadium, overshadowed by the marching line of electricity pylons.

Three sides of the ground are comprised of a continuous low terrace, with a small roof covering the centre section of each side. Home supporters are able to move freely through these areas, so once the pre-match coin toss decides which way the home side are shooting, there is an almost Biblical exodus from one end of the ground to the other.

The solitary stand of seats fills about two thirds of the remaining side. Set back from the pitch, and raised on a platform of breezeblocks, it is fronted by a sterile area - unlike the toilets.

State of Toilets: Semi-submerged before kick off, those under the main stand smelled as only neglected toilets in a football ground can. They gave the impression of being so primitive, it was a surprise not to find Phil Harding and the rest of the Time Team standing by outside after the game, waiting for the tide to go out so they could excavate.

United Fans: U's fans were allocated an uncovered corner of the terrace. The temporary barrier that separated fans last season had been replaced by a more permanent looking fence and a spider's web of red and white tape. The lack of roof didn't exactly help engender loud support.

Home Fans: The Weymouth chairman was less than impressed by the turnout, with the gate virtually half that for the previous game.

Programme: Costing £2, 'The Terra' combined full colour and black overprint to produce 64 glossy pages. Surprisingly, there was almost as much about their next opponents (Kidderminster) as there was about United.

Food/Drink: Such delights as burned bacon in a part-frozen roll were on offer, dispensed by disinterested staff, one of who short-changed Steve and then tired to hold his tea hostage.

Afterwards

The Journey Home: It had to be more straightforward than the journey down - and so it was, despite finding that the slip road we wanted off the A1 had been shut just five minutes before we got there!

Mileage: 362.8 miles

Total Distance for Season: 444.9 miles

Mark Johnson, with additional reporting by David Gray, Steve Line and Gordon McMillan

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