Match: v Bury - Coca-Cola League Two

Date: Saturday, March 5th, 2005

Result: Bury 2 Cambridge United 1

THE JOURNEY

Departure Time: 9am

Arrival at Ground: Despite the wintry conditions that had built to a crescendo on the day before the match, the weather was clear and sunny on the way up... at least it was until we stopped for a much-needed cuppa at Ferrybridge, where the rain started. This developed into sleet and snow over the Pennines and, there was even a brief blizzard as we crossed the highest point in Britain's motorway system.

It had calmed down a little as we drove into the town, where we noted that Bury is very multicultural and, judging by the number of places of worship of seemingly every religion and denomination, extremely religious. Maybe someone, somewhere was interceding on our behalf because driving sleet thoughtfully waited until we were safely ensconced in the ground after parking up at about 12.30pm.

AT THE GROUND

The Ground: An all-seater stadium that would be just the job for teams going reasonably well in any division of the Coca-Cola League, Gigg Lane is an echoing cavern in which supporters can sit in splendid isolation when that success criterion isn't being met.

Two pairs of single-tiered stands surround the pitch; each pair consisting of a stand along one side and behind a goal, joined at the corner. This gave the impression that a pair of squabbling giants had each taken hold of an opposite corner and pulled the joined stands away from their matching set. As a result, the remaining two corners of the stadium were open, ensuring that the cold wind and icy conditions had no impairment as they whistled in to chill everyone to the bone.

Although we have visited Gigg Lane on many occasions over the last few seasons, there was one major difference on this occasion - the pitch actually had grass on it... at least it did when we arrived. The inclement weather did nothing to encourage its preservation though, and the surface soon cut up to resemble a the aftermath of an archaeological excavation.

United Fans: Again travelled in good numbers and were particularly noisy in the first half. It was a different story after the break, as a loud of subdued depression settled over them and the team.

Home Fans: Not sure they actually turned up until just before the interval when they arrived just in time to boo their team off the pitch. Again things were different after the break when we could hear them - if not actually see them among an ocean of unoccupied blue seats.

Stewards: Not really noticeable and, despite it being an all-seater stadium, they were more than happy to let United fans stand should they so wish.

Programme: At £2.50 for 52 pages, including a glossy cover, the programme included a decent number of articles worth reading, despite the apparently large number of adverts. The club colours of white and blue meant that the design element was simple and unobtrusive too.

Food/Drink: Given the weather, the balti pies looked a particularly good idea - especially as they were being sold for £2.10 rather than the advertised price of £2.60. However, although the pastry was okay and the sauce spicy enough, it was severely lacking in the taste department.

State of Toilets: With no lock and no light, the gents' toilets were basic but were the height of luxury when compared to the facilities for the ladies, victims of which were often surprised to find disorientated supporters - both male and female - inadvertently entering, laden with freshly purchased food from the tea bar next door.

AFTERWARDS

The Journey Home: It may not have been the most straightforward of journeys home, but it did have its moments of entertainment nevertheless.

For a start the slip road leading from Bury onto the motorway was closed and, with no diversion in place, we were left to our own devices to circumnavigate the outskirts of Manchester and Oldham looking for a way back onto the M62. This unexpected diversion took us past a pub in Oldham, amusingly named 'The Smut Inn'. Unfortunately, time didn't permit us to discover whether Sid James, Kenneth Williams and the rest of the 'Carry On' cast were supping a quiet pint inside.

There was a further diversion when we stopped for a bite to eat at Blyth Services, where a small group of local fourteen-year-old chavs wandered in, grabbed some knives and forks from the cutlery dispenser and used them to try to break into the fruit machines. Don't try this at home - our mealtime entertainers comprehensively proved that it doesn't work... which might explain why the staff didn't seem interested!

Mileage: 380.0 miles

Total Distance for Season: 5,506.3 miles

Mark Johnson, with additional reporting by David Gray, Gordon McMillan and Alison Vickers.

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