Match: v Altrincham - Blue Square Premier

Date: Tuesday, September 18th 2007

Result: Altrincham 0 Cambridge United 3

The Journey

Departure Time: 1.45pm

Arrival at Ground: The journey didn't get off to the most auspicious of starts with an accident on the M11/A14 sending us off on a detour. We eventually got back on track, which is more than can be said of the old L.N.E.R. steam train and tender we passed on the backs of slow moving lorries.

Increasingly heavy traffic on the M6 encouraged a curtailed stop at Stafford Services where there was a sign urging us to look out for ducks crossing the road into the car park. I suspect the sign wasn't a suggestion to take a flat one into one of the food outlets to ask for it to be cooked although, like the M6, it wasn't entirely clear.

As we drove into Altrincham we passed something call 'The Place' which, rather than being a misspelled fish and chip shop was actually a bar that gave Salsa lessons for beginners on Tuesday evenings. Our previous results at Altrincham made the offer a tempting one but, as it turned out, we made the right decision to press on to the ground, which we reached at about 5.30pm.

At The Ground

The Ground: Set in a leafy suburban street, the frontage of the ground is reasonably smart. However, if you want to avail yourself of the small car park, you get a close up view of the other three sides, which are something of a contrast. Here, a collection of dilapidated buildings and run down walls are all smothered in graffiti and are nothing short of a blight on the area. The atmosphere in the car park was further enhanced by a strong smell of manure emanating from some nearby allotments.

Once inside, having received the warmest of welcomes from staff at this friendly club, the aroma from the car park was mercifully replaced by the waft of a curry being cooked close by.

Last season, the inside of the ground seemed in danger of heading into the same ruinous state as the buildings in the car park but this time the facilities came as a pleasant surprise. Although there didn't appear to be the budget to redevelop, Altrincham had done what it could to make the most of what they've got by giving the ground a good tidy up - a process that continued with some extremely efficient cleaning up in the stands after the match.

Behind the front of the building, the main stand filled the central section along that side of the pitch. Wooden, with comfortable wide seats, the only drawback in this area of the ground was the three wide pillars to support the roof and the overhang of the roof on the smaller stand to it's right. Naturally, a disproportionate amount of the match took place hidden behind these obstructions. The smaller stand, which had a lower roof, consisted of a corrugated executive area with veranda-like seats in front of its windows. The configuration conspired to make the ground one of the few where the players emerge from separate tunnels... and this may be one the few things Moss Lane has in common with Rome's Olympic Stadium. A wide expanse of mainly empty concrete was on the other side of the main stand.

On the opposite side of the ground, a three-part roof that was notably higher in the centre than on either side covered terracing. This lower level of roof extended to its right and continued round to cover the terrace behind the goal. The remaining end of the ground was filled with open terrace and, being without a roof was, of course, for the away fans.

A gigantic mobile phone mast, in the style of an electricity pylon, overshadowed the whole ground while eight spindly sticks surrounded the pitch, each carrying what looked like three car headlights. These turned out to be the floodlights... and new ones at that. In fact this match was the first time they had been used, and the event was marked with a commemorative pull-out in the programme reproducing the programme for the first match at the ground under floodlights, forty years ago. Despite less than encouraging first impressions, these new lights were actually almost as bright as those at the Abbey, although their coverage was patchier.

United Fans: An excellent turn out, they overcame the disadvantage of having no roof to generate some solid support.

View from Away End: No roof, no obstructing pillars, thus an excellent view.

Home Fans: Losing a fifth consecutive home game is guaranteed not to put fans in the best frame of mind, and some showed their disapproval with a slow foot stomp on the wooden floor of the stand. This didn't entirely meet with the approval of one member of the local press who, finding his laptop wobbling alarmingly, told them to ******* cut it out.

Police/Stewards: A stewards' presence was not required.

Programme: £2 for 44, A5 pages plus an insert. Although there were a reasonable number of articles, the most noticeable element was the black and white adverts sections while photos were, by and large, conspicuous by their absence. Obviously a programme produced on a budget.

Food/Drink: Having enjoyed the delights of one of the best chippies outside a ground, the catering in the ground was largely overlooked despite the tea bars staying open throughout the match.

Afterwards

The Journey Home: As with the start of the journey, an early stage of the drive back home was less than encouraging. There was an interminable line of lorries queuing nose to tail, as close behind each other as only lorries can, as traffic tried to funnel into the solitary lane of the M6 that remained open while the world's slowest white line painters plied their trade between tea breaks.

Once clear of this hold up, the only other event of note came as Tuesday turned to Wednesday - a special day in the calendar for September 19th be International Talk Like A Pirate day (Aye, tis true. Thar be a website an' ev'rythin'). Talk turned to scurvy dogs and timbers being shivered as we passed the remaining part of the journey scouring the horizon for Bristol Rovers fans... well those of us who were still awake did anyway.

Mileage: 363 miles.

Total Distance for Season: 1,697.7 miles

Mark Johnson, with additional reporting by David Gray and Gordon McMillan

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