Monday 28th August 2006 - Dag & Red 2-0 U's: Looking Daggers

The first managerial casualty of the Conference season has been announced after just four games: Gary Owers has left pointless Forest Green Rovers by "mutual consent" and dear old Paul Wanless has taken temporary charge. Who's next, eh?

Is he really going out the door?
Well, there's Wannie. Let's ask him.
Wannie, is that the boss's tracksuit top you're wearing?
Mm-hmm!
Gee, it must be great being in charge
Are you picking the team today?
Uh-huh!
By the way, when did you meet the chairman?

I met him at the boot room door
He turned around and smiled at me
You get the picture? (yes, we see)
That's when I fell for the leader of the sack

The fans were always putting Gary down (down, down)
They said we were worse than Clacton Town
They told me he was bad
But I was not too sad
That's when he fell to the leader of the sack

One day the chair said, "Find someone new"
He had to tell Gary that we're through
He stood there and asked him why
The league table doesn't lie
I'm sorry, you're doo-doo, said the leader of the sack

He sort of smiled and waved me goodbye
The tears were beginning to show
As he drove away on that rainy night
I asked him where he kept his whistle
But whether he heard, I'll never know

Look out! Look out! Look out! Look out!

I am Paul Wanless, what could I do?
I nearly took charge of the U's
All those years of wear and tear
Now I'm the man in charge, I don't care
I'm going to impress you, the leader of the sack

Leader of the sack - now he's gone
Leader of the sack - there's just one
Leader off the sack - now he's gone
Leader of the sack - I'm the man!

It's all mounting up for poor old Buzz at the moment; injuries and suspensions are pouring down like the rain that fell from the leaden skies as the amber hordes descended on Essex this Bank Holiday Monday. And the storm clouds are gathering over the Abbey, too.

The sun had come out and a clearing of blue appeared overhead by the time kickoff approached. Tucked away in an unattractive industrial estate (are there any attractive ones?) in the unprepossessing East End overflow that is Dagenham (tanning salons and 'Roy's Pie & Mash Shop' present and correct), the Victoria Road Sports Ground is a good, old-fashioned lower-league football ground, functional, unpretentious and unchanged for decades; it is strangely comforting that places like this still exist, and, in relative terms, thrive.

It follows the classic formula of seated stand on one side, covered terrace on the other, and uncovered terrace at both ends, with a welcoming supporters' club for a nominal 50p entrance fee and a club shop that makes the CUFC Megastore look like Harrods.

There was also a free swimming pool located in the middle of the car park, but I think this was due more to the overnight rain than the Daggers' wish to provide additional leisure facilities.

Injury and suspension meant four changes to the United side from Saturday's latest flop, and the formation was also amended to accommodate the new personnel. A back three of Bloomer, Morrison and Adam Davies (making his first start of the season) lined up behind a wing-back laden five-man midfield.

Wide men were debutant Liam Marum, an ex-Reading striker played out of position, and Tommy Jaszczun, and the youthful middle three comprised Stephen Smith, Darren Quinton and Josh Simpson.

Up front Michael Gash (left) made his first start alongside Marcus Richardson.

The not entirely match fit Jon Brady and Rob Wolleaston joined a 'tactically rested' Courtney Pitt on the bench alongside youngster Jordan Collins and, in a measure of the paucity of United's available troops, Shane Herbert, breaking Buzz's usual policy of not naming a back-up keeper in league games.

Dagenham & Redbridge had made a decent start to the season and included England National Game striker Craig Mackail-Smith and veteran custodian Tony Roberts at the back, while on their bench was the man with perhaps the most exotic name in the Conference, Bai Mas Lettejallow.

United started energetically, Marum (above) tackling back well to shackle dangerous left-winger Sam Sloma, although first couple of corners in the opening five minutes fell to the hosts. Both Sam Saunders' efforts were headed clear, in marked contrast to how the visitors would later fare aerially in the Dagenham box, where they would scarcely win a header all afternoon.

The U's had to wait ten minutes for their first flag-kick, forced through Gash's persistence, but it came to nothing, and first decent chance of the match fell to the hosts on 12: Glen Southam's cross from the right channel cannoned into the air off Morrison's leg and fell nicely for Paul Benson eight yards out, but he ballooned a good opportunity well over the bar.

United managed a series of three corners on the quarter hour, the second of which was won by Richardson who sent a towering header goalward only to see Roberts sprawl and tip over. There was plenty of industry from the young United team, particularly in the packed middle third, but they were able to create little in the way of shooting chances and looked distinctly lacking in a cutting edge.

Up the other end, Benson afforded Paul Crichton a comfortable save from a header on 21, and Saunders lofted a free-kick two minutes later which looked more in danger of knocking the Burberry cap off a passing chav then bulging the United net. Another Daggers corner on 28 saw centre-back Anwar Uddin fire in a shot which Crichton punched away and a mass of blue-shirted bodies smothered any possible follow-up.

The hosts almost fluked a lead on 32 when Saunders miscued a cross from the right and it swerved towards goal and cannoned off the near post; but the United defence was so busy counting its lucky stars that they clean forgot to mark Mackail-Smith, and when the ball was crossed again, he found himself yards from any marker less than ten yards out with only Crichton between him and an open(ing) goal. He could pick his spot, but the United keeper remained cool and alert and leapt to pounce on the striker's shot to prevent what had looked like a certain goal. Bad miss, but a great save.

The ensuing corner was nodded over by Dave Rainford, and a couple of minutes later a useful breakaway from United saw Jaszczun find Richardson, who set up Gash for a slash at goal, but he flashed it wide.

Danger threatened from the Daggers again on 39 when a through ball over the top from Glen Southam sent Mackail-Smith clear from halfway, but Matt Bloomer showed a tremendous turn of pace to outrun him and play a neat one-two with Crichton before clearing his lines. Excellent defending.

Quinton followed a neat run with a thunderbolt shot which was blocked by Uddin, but on 44 United almost shot themselves in the foot when Smith won possession just outside his own box, knocked it casually sideways to Jaszczun and he was robbed by Benson who sprinted towards goal and saw his point-blank angled drive splendidly blocked by that man Crichton.

So ended a first half which had not lacked for effort but had been somewhat shy on quality for United, who had forced just one save from the opposing keeper while their own custodian had made two magnificent stops to keep the scores even. An extra 'oomph' would be required from somewhere if they were to press for the three points in part two.

No changes were deemed necessary by either side, and the contest continued in much the same way as it had trundled along in the first half. Quinton tried a long-range blaster on 48 but could not find the target, and a minute later came the visitors' best chance so far as Marum's ball over the top sent Gash galloping away unmarked down the middle like a speeding policeman 'testing his driving skills.' Unfortunately his first touch was just too heavy, and Roberts was able to advance from goal to collect.

Danny Foster blazed wide from a corner for the Daggers on 52, and five minutes later Simpson set Richardson up for a chance in the box, but he tumbled under a challenge to not-terribly-convincing penalty appeals. United had enjoyed the better of the possession thus far this half, but they were caught on the break on the hour and Benson cut in to find Crichton in his way again to make another excellent save.

Crichton foiled Benson again a couple of minutes later from close range following Saunders' free-kick; but 'twas but a momentary respite, for on 64 Benson rose comfortably above United's feeble defending to power Saunders' corner home. Smith hoofed off the line but the lino ruled it over: 1-0.

Within five minutes the contest was effectively over. First Davies was booked for a clumsy foul on Rainford, then on 68 with United pressing forward, the Welsh international was caught in possession on halfway by Benson. As 'Digger' collapsed to the ground, hurt in the challenge, Benson raced away then spotted Sloma sprinting down to the left, having escaped the shackled of Marum for once. The set-up pass was perfect for Sloma to glide in and slip it low past the exposed Crichton and in at the far post: 2-0.

Now the game was truly up. United's youthful line-up had grafted honestly and tirelessly, but application is nothing without something to apply, and they simply lacked the guile and the final-third quality to hurt Dagenham where it counted.

United switched from 3-5-2 to 3-4-3 on 72 when they replaced Davies with Brady, Smith moving to the back three and Marum joining Richardson and Gash up front.

Jaszczun had a hornswoggler blocked by Uddin a minute later, while on 75 it might easily have been three-nil as Mackail-Smith's long-range blockbuster was parried by Crichton and Sloma somehow scuffed the rebound off the outside of the post and wide from eight yards.

Marum was withdrawn after a creditable debut on 77 in favour of Pitt, and United now reverted to 4-4-2 with Jaszczun stationed behind the mercurial left-winger. Now they had two wingers to fire in the crosses, but the Daggers dealt with every aerial threat that came their way, and Roberts remained unchallenged.

Six minutes from the end came the coup de disgrace. Jaszczun had been having a running battle with Saunders for most of the second half, depositing him on the touchline ten minutes earlier with a scything (and fair) tackle. Now, with tempers fraying in frustration, the two tangled again. Saunders won the free-kick, but as they tried to get up the red mist descended and Jaszczun lashed out, grabbing Saunders by the shirt collar, and as the limbs flailed, everyone and his wife joined in an unseemly melee, most just trying to separate the original two protagonists.

Eventually everyone calmed down and Jaszczun received the red card that his stupidity deserved. Saunders was generously shown only yellow, as was Brady, never one to miss a party.

Roberts spent most of the remainder of the match swapping 'banter' with the United fans in such a combative manner that the local constabulary, the FA and both clubs will be receiving several letters on the matter in the next few days. The nearest steward seemed to see nothing untoward whatsoever.

Four minutes from time United should have pulled one back, Morrison winning the header from Brady's corner and Richardson, with his back to goal in the six-yard box, tried to turn and flick in, but just missed the target with his nod. Last chance fell to the Daggers in added time, Scott Griffiths blazing across goal and just wide of the far post.

The calls for Buzz's head at the end were inevitable as United sank to 23rd place in the table, only kept from the bottom because Crawley had given everyone else a ten-point start. In contrast to Saturday's lackadaisical effort, this younger, thrown-together United line-up had done its very best, but simply lacked the experience, finesse and, yes, quality to sufficiently trouble its more experienced opponents.

There will be other players available for selection for Friday's toughie against Exeter, and it will be the management's job to pick, organise and motivate another United XI. Their results, and the new board, will decide just how many more elevens they will be allowed to select. One thing is for certain: something needs to change. And fast.

Player Ratings

Crichton 8. Series of superb saves.
Davies 6. Good, solid game until his aberration led to the second goal.
Bloomer 7. Much closer to last season's form than in previous games.
Morrison 6. Also starting to find his form.
Jaszczun 5. Decent display ruined by moment of insanity.
Marum 7. The youngster had a debut to be proud of, covering back well and getting forward in support too. And all in an unfamiliar position.
Smith 6. Looked much more comfortable in his natural role.
Quinton 5. Had his moments but too often looked lightweight.
Simpson 6. Another promising and energetic performance.
Richardson 6. Settling in, although missed an excellent chance near the end.
Gash 6. Gave 100% and showed signs of regaining the form which prompted United to sign him in the first place.

Brady 5. Managed a few decent crosses.
Pitt 5. Made little impression other than the odd inswinger.

Match Summary: An inexperienced mish-mash of a United team battled gamely but lacked the nous and the cutting edge to trouble the Daggers' defence. And when poor marking and individual errors are handing two goals per game to the opposition, the only way is down...

Man of the Match: Paul Crichton. Always alert and made a number of saves straight out of the top drawer.

Ref Watch: Hodgson 8. Best so far this season; firm, decisive and communicated well.

Soundtrack of the Day: Young Knives 'Weekend And Bleak Days (Hot Summer)'

JB's Jukebox: Jon Brady lends an ear to the Victoria Road sounds. "G'day you Pommie galahs! Y'know, a great poet (I think it was Rolf Harris) once said 'Variety is the spice of life'. Well, that's one way of putting it, but the stuff we heard today was a right dingo's brekkie! Those Jocks the Proclaimers are quite rousing I guess and I've got a bit of a soft spot for old 70s stuff like Squeeze and Sailor. But I draw the flamin' line at Queen's 'Fat Bottomed Girls' - hearing that was about as enjoyable as a bush oyster! I still think that Sandi Thom song is for whackers and the runout music was just unspeakable. It sounded like they were playing Technotronic, Tag Team and 2 Unlimited all at the same time! Strewth! My ears wanted to bail out beyond the black stump! No wonder they're called the 'Dag'gers!!' (4/10)"

Andrew Bennett

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Previous match reports:
U's 1-2 Halifax
St Albans 1-1 U's
U's 0-1 Northwich Victoria

Pre-season match reports:
Histon 0-0 U's (3-4 on pens)
U's 1-3 Norwich
Fakenham 0-7 U's
Enfield FC 0-2 U's
Cambridge City 0-2 U's
U's 4-4 Ipswich
U's 0-4 West Ham
Bury Town 1-2 U's
Leyton 0-3 U's

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