Saturday 5th April 2008 - Droylsden 0-2 U's: United shed Bloods without bloodshed

As we all know, supporting Cambridge United can be a stressful business, especially now as we approach the final run-in of the season. But some people can take it better than others. One extreme example was revealed after full-time today at Droylsden as the happy U's followers began to file from the Butchers Arms Ground, only to reveal a prone figure in the top right corner of the away stand: there he lay, fast asleep, head resting awkwardly against the back wall, body slumped in an uncomfortable-looking position, straddling the now-empty terraced steps, oblivious to his fellow fans' applause for their triumphant team and the icy, howling wind. For this chap, the result had obviously been a foregone conclusion long before the end; that, or he had overdone the prodigiously low-priced drinks in the selection of pleasant pubs in the surrounding streets.

Droylsden is an unassuming, unremarkable suburb in the urban sprawl of Greater Manchester, and the substantial volume of traffic through it today was largely bound for the Manchester City vs Chelsea game some two miles west. Its football club has never been at such a high level in the Pyramid before and, following its promotion from Conference North last year, it will not be there much longer after an horrendous season in which it took them fourteen games to gain their first win (3-1 over Oxford) and where they have been rooted to the bottom of the table since Boxing Day.

United had, not unsurprisingly, never met the 'Bloods' before they thrashed a dismally poor visiting side 5-0 at the Abbey in January in front of their gallant band of 11 away supporters, ten days after they had defeated our chums Cambridge City 1-0 in the FA Trophy, and the only remote connection between the clubs is one player in common, Matthew Rush, who spent a few days curling crosses out of play from the wing for the U's in 1992-93 before turning up at the Butchers Arms a few years later.

The ground is, as one would expect, named after the pub which adjoins it in the centre of town, a pleasant hostelry offering pints for £1.90 and showing two live games on TV simultaneously in the same room, to distracting effect. The venue itself was equally welcoming, with cheery staff belying their club's league position and the doomily scrawled message 'NO HOPE' in the elevated portacabin toilets behind the away end.

A hearty pre-match scoff was provided by 'Porky Pig's Catering,' a substantial van offering the usual burgers plus bacon'n'egg and, impressively, sirloin steak to tempt the hungry traveller. The supporters' club was equally convivial, offering travelling fans their own room accessible from the away end with a cosy bar, huge TV and warm, clean toilets. It was already apparent that this club is one that embodies all that is best about 'Non-League': a sincere welcome for visitors and a sense that the people who run it really care about their club and want to help it do as well as it possibly can.

The ground itself was modest but well-maintained, its only seated area a raised stand in the middle of one side with standing in front of it by the barriers, opposite a shallow covered terrace. An open terraced area lay at one end, but the opposite away end was more impressive, a steeply tiered, covered terrace that afforded a good view and splendid acoustics.

The matchday programme was equally cheap and cheerful, with fascinating statistical information about their season such as 'Most Consecutive Wins: 1', 'Most Consecutive Defeats: 11' and 'Total Games Failed to Score: 16' in unflinching black and white, also revealing that when it comes to 'Number of Games Conceded 3 or more' Droylsden lead their nearest challengers Stafford by 20 matches to 11, although Rangers seem to be doing their darnedest to close that gap of late. The club history section also stated that their record transfer fee paid is for Terry Fearns, and it is... 'undisclosed,' which rather begs the question, how do they know it's a record, then?

The Bloods had endured a torrid last couple of weeks which perversely had produced some of their best results of the season, a run of games on Monday-Thursday-Saturday-Tuesday-Thursday producing notable draws with Aldershot and Exeter and a victory over Halifax; it seems with relegation an inevitability, the pressure is off despite such a punishing schedule for part-time players, or for any players. Can you imagine the screams from Arsene or Fergie if their poor pampered darlings had to play four games in the last eight days?

The U's destruction of Droylsden in January was due in no small part to the goals of Scott Rendell (3) and Lee McEvilly (1), neither of course available now for wildly differing reasons. After last week's Kidderminster horror show, the team showed five changes. The lightweight attack of Vieira and Jeffery was replaced by Lee Boylan and Mark Beesley, Danny Potter returned from suspension in place of Alex McCarthy, and Ben Farrell and Danny Brown returned from injury.

The formation was an interesting one, a nominal 4-4-2 with Josh Coulson moved to right-back with Brown (above) at left-back and Michael Morrison and Wayne Hatswell in the middle. Farrell joined Pitt as a wide midfielder with Paul Carden and Rob Wolleaston retaining their places in the centre behind the new front two. Once play started, however, the system's fluidity revealed itself, as when United pressed forward both Brown and Pitt took up more advanced positions to mutate the formation to more like a 3-4-3. There's some cracking stuff in those UEFA Coaching Manuals, you know.

Droylsden are the poorest supported club in the BSP, averaging 681 this term, and the ground looked embarrassingly empty as the teams ran out; in fact, it was easy to make a quick manual count, which revealed 42 souls on the terrace along one side, 22 at one end, 61 in the seats and another 33 standing in front, along with the 275-strong amber army. As at Farsley, though - excuse me while I shudder at the memory - there was a substantial influx of latecomers, no doubt leaving that gut-wrenching time when they had to leave their pints to do their duty until the very last moment.

The club did not seem to have a mascot, which is, let's face it, no great loss. What would it be, anyway? A giant blood clot? A drip bag? A huge sticking plaster? Not the greatest of merchandising potential. I know: how about a vampire? A bat? Or a leech costume??

United, roared on by a noisy travelling contingent, got off to a flying start on a dry, eminently playable surface, and within a minute Brown had combined with Wolleaston to set up Beesley for a close-range shot blocked by keeper Paul Phillips. The hosts responded spiritedly with a Jamie McGuire blaster over the top on 6, while Wolleaston shot with equal inaccuracy two minutes later. But on 9 the U's made the early breakthrough that their recent form needed.

As at Ebbsfleet, it came from a corner. Pitt whipped one to the far post, Hatswell rose to head back across goal, and there was the lively Farrell, pouncing to lash high into the roof of the net from eight yards before Phillips could move for his first-ever United goal. He celebrated gleefully in front of his adoring public: 1-0.

United had settled well into their new system. Coulson (above) and Brown looked ever ready to support down the flanks, Farrell was quick and imaginative down the right, and Pitt was in impish mood on the left, taking on and beating hapless right-back Lee Roche almost at will. Carden and Wolleaston toiled energetically in the engine room, Beesley was ever ready to receive and prompt ahead of them, and Boylan roamed menacingly; all that was really missing was a telling final ball, which seemed to be in short supply.

The U's also threatened from corners, Hatswell and Coulson wreaking havoc against a shaky-looking home rearguard led by what must be the smallest keeper in the league, barely able to tower above Lee Boylan. Conditions were perfect - dry, intermittently sunny, not too windy - and one sensed that another goal soon and the points would be in the bag.

There was another blow for the Bloods on 16 when they were forced into a forward change, Steve Daly retiring hurt to be replaced by Robbie Talbot. Next minute another Pitt corner found Hatswell arriving unmarked at the far post, but he guided his header narrowly over the top.

Speedy winger Chris Denham looked to be the hosts' best chance of a comeback, and he drew the first booking of the day for Carden on 19, a crude body-check to stop him breaking from halfway. Droylsden forced a couple of corners but the U's stood firm without too much trouble. There was some unpleasantness on 31 when Hatswell went down under an aerial challenge from McGuire, who appeared to have led with his elbow into his opponent's face, but he escaped even a ticking-off as Greg Reid wound a bandage round his charge's head.

Hatswell returned enthusiastically to the fray to add his presence at a Wolleaston corner on 36, but it was Coulson who connected to head over from close range. Droylsden continued to battle hard, sometimes a little too hard, and Denham was carded for clattering Brown on 42, while Roche also saw yellow just before the interval for felling a full-flow Pitt then feigning deafness to walk away from the ref as he whistled for his attention.

Half-time arrived to satisfied applause from the amber hordes, whose team had performed with commitment and energy against industrious but limited opposition and had just lacked that little quality in the final third which might have yielded another goal or two.

Pitt resumed running rings around Roche in the first minute of part two, cutting inside to lash a right-footed shot over from the left channel. Potter was called into rare action on 50 to clutch a Levi Mackin cross-shot, but two minutes later a second killer early-half goal clinched it for United.

Wolleaston won the ball on the left and it ran to Beesley 25 yards out just to the left of the D. In a trice he had controlled, looked up and rifled a superb, thunderous shot into the top left corner to leave Phillips helpless. Great stuff: 2-0.

The goal resembled that of the Brazilian chap against Chelsea in midweek - no, not his own goal - and was a welcome confidence booster for a player yet to settle into a regular role in the side.

The U's fans were now in carnival mood, and spent the next fifteen minutes cajoling various parties to "Give us a bounce!" starting with the ever-game Willy Wordsworth, working through the dugout staff and subs and even getting a local policeman to join in. Good man.

Droylsden's bolt already looked shot, but their heads did not go down and they battled on doughtily. Ged Murphy replaced Ashley Burberry on 57, and a minute later another U's corner fell to Wolleaston on the edge of the box and he drilled a good low drive just wide of the far post.

Robbie Willmott came on for the impressive Farrell (above) on 67 - the latter has an uncanny knack of settling straight into any match he starts no matter how long he has been out injured - and his first action was to set up Beesley, who was robbed by a last-ditch challenge from Greg Strong. The skies began to darken, and suddenly a light smattering of snow began to fall as an icy blast of wind whirled our Yellow Pages tickertape into a maelstrom of fluttering paper moths.

Denham remained the hosts' most likely outlet, ever ready to sprint onto any through ball down the right channel, and he almost broke clear on 69, only to be denied by a magnificently precise tackle from Brown. He almost did it again a few minutes later, but bounced off the resilient U's skipper as he tried to round him and fell feebly to the ground with a deeply unconvincing penalty appeal.

The hosts swapped strikers on 75, Terry Fearns replaced by Adam Dugdale, but they remained toothless, while a more laid-back United continued to probe fruitlessly for that killer pass that would set up goal number three. Beesley almost broke through on 78 but Colin Cryan's toe diverted it away for a corner before he could pull the trigger.

To their credit, the Bloods continued to attack and Brown made a good clearance from inside the six-yard box on 83 when Potter missed a Sean Newton corner. They were, however, contained comfortably by the U's thereafter.

Just as the game seemed to be snoozing to a low-key finish, United were awarded a penalty in the last minute of normal time when Mackin was carded for fouling Wolleaston in the box. Pitt immediately grabbed the ball and strode purposefully to the spot, ignoring regular penalty taker Boylan. Well, Courtney seemed confident enough.

Regrettably, his confidence was misplaced and his feeble spot-kick was comfortably blocked by Phillips, and he blasted the rebound hopelessly over the top. Let us hope that is the last time we see Mr Pitt let anywhere near the penalty spot; and let us also hope that that miss does not prove vital in the goal difference stakes.

Magno Vieira replaced Boylan for an uneventful three added minutes, then an efficient, organised performance against gutsy opponents had yielded the maximum return. And with Torquay, Burton and Stevenage losing, it was nice to enjoy a good weekend after a few rather underwhelming ones.

Good luck to Droylsden in Conference North, a likeable, well-run club who will hopefully grace the BSP again some time soon. The U's have bigger fish to fry in the coming weeks; let's not have any sleeping on the job, eh...?

Statto Corner
Today's attendance of 634 was the lowest for a league match involving the U's since 588 attended a daytime midweek game at Rochdale on 5th February 1974, due to the three-day week at the time and the hosts' lack of a generator. United won that game 2-0 as well, with goals from strike duo Dave Simmons and Brian Greenhalgh.

It was the fourth sub-thousand crowd for the U's this season, following the 982 at Altrincham, 741 at Stafford and 868 at Farsley. The previous two seasons yielded only one three-figure attendance each, 891 at Altrincham in 2006-07 and 842 at Canvey Island in 2005-06. All of these crowds are trumped by the 426 at Dorchester in the FA Trophy defeat in the latter season.

Ben Farrell's first goal in the black and amber meant he became only the third Ben to score for the U's since 1970. The previous two were Ben Sedgemore and Ben Chenery, who notched a total of one and two respectively in total. Two more for the record, Ben...

Player Ratings
Potter 7. Very little to do and always looked in control.
Coulson 8. Looked as if he was really enjoying himself playing at right-back, overlapping forward and going up for free-kicks at every opportunity.
Morrison 7. Calm and sound.
Hatswell 8. Inspirational.
Brown 7. Coolly assured comeback.
Farrell 8. Impressive energy and vision, this boy will really explode when he get a prolonged run in the side.
Carden 8. King of the passers again, although he needs to stop getting booked with such regularity.
Wolleaston 7. Good, solid team contribution, with the odd flash of brilliance.
Pitt 8. Teasing, tormenting presence on the left, most of his corners had welcome depth for a change and he only blotted his copybook with that shoddy penalty.
Beesley 8. At last beginning to show consistent signs of the class we know he possesses, and what a corking goal.
Boylan 7. Always busy with intelligent runs, the chances didn't fall his way today as United's final ball too often lacked quality, and he must regret not asserting his authority over Pitt as designated penalty taker.

Willmott 6. Made some decent forays forward.
Vieira 5. Barely on long enough to touch the ball.

Match Summary
United made a welcome return to winning ways with a comfortable, professional job on doomed Droylsden on a day in which several results went their way. The Bloods were welcoming hosts and so was their defence as the season looks set to go all the way to the wire.

Man of the Match
Wayne Hatswell. Heroic inspiration with the bandaged head, his defending was immaculate and his barnstorming presence in the opposing area was a constant threat and created the first goal.

Ref Watch
Sarginson 6. Erratic chappie who made a few basic rickets and was a little fussy on physical contact, but nothing major.

Non-League Player's Name of the Week
AFC Wallingford's Anson Stoute.

Soundtrack of the Day
Last Shadow Puppets 'The Age Of The Understatement'

The MP3 Files
Mark Peters lends an ear to the Butchers Arms sounds. "You can't beat a good pub jukebox. My local when I was a lad in Flint, The Worried Sheep, used to have a wonderful selection of Classic Rock like Thin Lizzy, Deep Purple, Rainbow, Judas Priest, as well as more modern stuff like The Alarm and some Datblygu for the Cymraeg speakers. Ah, happy memories!

"The Butchers Arms carries the name of the adjoining pub, but sadly its 'jukebox' was anything but classic, merely offering a selection of recent pop hits. Loath as I am to sound like some old fogey, but let's face it, the likes of Sean Kingston, Craig David and Shayne Ward don't so much sing as whine like they're constipated, while Rihanna, Britney Spears and the Sugababes just sound like rather scary robots! That Amy Winehouse can at least carry a tune, even if she looks like a badly drawn cartoon, but really there was hardly anything of interest for proper music lovers, I'm afraid. Hwyl!" MP3 verdict: 1/10

Andrew Bennett

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