U's 0-0 Weymouth: Getting flaky in the snow
Saturday 22nd March 2008 - U's 0-0 Weymouth: Getting flaky in the snow
Those forkers certainly earn their corn. No, not the United players, but the volunteer ground staff who venture onto the pitch at half-time and after the match to use their forks to prod and poke the divots that those clumsy footballers leave in Ian Darler's precious playing surface.
Today was a case in point. The weather was as wildly variable as Heather Mills' mood swings, alternating between rain, hail and sleet, but five minutes before the interval the sun broke through to bathe the Abbey in bright wintry light despite the howling wind. As soon as the guys with the forks emerged, the skies darkened again, and next thing we and they knew, a blizzard had blown up as if we were all standing in a snow globe which had suddenly been shaken violently by a malevolent giant.
In no time the green, verdant sward began to turn white as Ken Bates' beard, and one by one the substitutes who had been warming up trooped off to avoid hypothermia, with the honourable exception of hardy youngsters Josh Coulson and Robbie Willmott and the dogged forkers, even as the blemishes that they were targeting began to disappear beneath a carpet of frozen rain. Sherpas, St Bernards, snowploughs there were none to assist them as, undaunted, two more groundstaff began to sweep the lines of the penalty area clear even as the whiteout swirled angrily around them.
There was the spirit of the Abbey made flesh before us: diligent, determined, doughty, and quite, quite mad. Makes you proud to be a Cantabrigian.
Easter Saturday blew in as wild, wet and windy as a shark which had just consumed a crate of baked beans. After another disappointing awayday at Crawley on Tuesday JQ made two changes, dropping Marks Peters and Convery, the latter not even making the bench. Wayne Hatswell was restored to the back three after injury and Jack Jeffery was given a first start in a minuscule front two with Lee Boylan, Mark Beesley stationed just behind them. Hopefully there would not be quite as many mindless high balls hoisted forward today.
The Bard of the CEN, Mr Danny Brown returned to the squad for the first time since the 5-0 tonking of Droylsden on 22nd January.
Weymouth came to the Abbey with only goal difference separating them from the bottom four, newish boss and former U's job applicant John Hollins assisted by JQ's former number two, Alan 'Uncle Fester' Lewer, whose rather precipitous departure from the Abbey was reflected by his complete lack of any sort of mention in the matchday programme.
Early exchanges were tentative as the players struggled to come to terms with the brisk breeze and intermittent sleet, and it was nine minutes before the first corner, Simon Weatherstone's effort for the visitors half-cleared then swung back to be headed wide by Swindon loanee Chris Blackburn, not looking quite so hirsute as on his previous visits when at Morecambe when he earned the nickname 'Jesus,' quite aptly for the season.
Ex-Torquay man Tony Bedeau fired wide a couple of minutes later as United struggled to adjust to yet another attacking change, Beesley attempting to link up with Boylan and Jeffery to little avail. United were at least attempting to play the ball on the deck, given their personnel and the conditions, with Paul Carden again the outstanding performer in midfield with his usual workrate and accuracy of pass.
It took United 21 minutes to gain their first corner, and it was trundled limply knee-high to the near post by Courtney Pitt in a regrettable foretaste of the standard of his set pieces all afternoon. Interestingly, Weymouth left three players up on the halfway line, forcing United to keep a corresponding number back. Up the other end Weatherstone had a shot blocked for a flag-kick on 27 then he slipped and nearly took the corner flag as he attempted to take it on the increasingly slippery pitch.
United's next corner a minute later was comfortably cleared, but on 33 they should have taken the lead. Another flag-kick found Beesley out on the left byline, his teasing cross over the six-yard box beat keeper Stephen Henderson, and there was Mark Albrighton at the far post with the formality of nodding home... but he headed it into the ground, it hit someone's heel and was somehow scrambled clear.
Two minutes later Weymouth missed an equally good chance. Albrighton fouled the gigantic Crewe loanee Matthew Bailey out on the right, Weatherstone whipped in a telling diagonal free-kick, and there was Bailey losing his marker at the far post with an unchallenged header on goal from eight yards out, yet somehow he guided it across goal and wide, to the helpless Danny Potter's relief.
Ref Coote, a pernickety fellow who blew for a free-kick every time one player breathed on another, decided to get his cards out with four bookings in the last ten minutes of the half as the light snow eased and he could write without his scribbling being washed away. First in was Kyle Critchell for a clumsy trip on Pitt on 37, then Hatswell was harshly adjudged to have fouled Stuart Beavon a minute later on halfway when he seemed to have won the ball, to even the score.
Critchell then managed to injure himself near the Habbin touchline, but seemed determined to remain on the pitch to be treated until instructed to be helped off by the Terras' physio. Card number three followed on 41, Trevor Challis rather unluckily penalised for a clash with Jeffery, and from the ensuing free-kick Hatswell lashed low for the near post from 25 yards and drew a good diving save from Henderson.
Critchell then broke down again and Bailey moved to centre-back as striker Jake Hyde came on as sub, sporting the nastiest orange boots you could imagine. Were they made by Crocs? The hapless replacement seemed to have his lovely boots stepped on by Carden in his first challenge and writhed in agony as everyone ignored him and played on, Jeffery eventually having a shot blocked by Blackburn.
Hyde was unable to continue after treatment and was promptly replaced himself by Michael Malcolm after the briefest of appearances most notable for terrace speculation that his middle initial was L. Think about it.
Last booking of the half came in added time, Anton Robinson for a crude clattering of Beesley which was a borderline red. Then the relieved players trooped from the fray as the snow returned in earnest. Hold my programme for me, I might be some time...
Part two saw two replacements, Nick Crittenden replacing Beavon for Weymouth, while the white ball was withdrawn in favour of a yellow one on the now white surface. I don't know how many of those United had in stock, but don't be surprised if Mark Convery was kept busy with some white balls and a yellow marker pen. Everyone has a role to play.
Bailey tested Potter's gloves with an early sighter on 46, and two minutes later Jeffery essayed a curler which flew just wide of the far post. United, unconvincing as an attacking force in the first half, gradually began to build a head of steam as Weymouth started to be pressed back and rely on sporadic breakaways.
The busy Boylan and Jeffery combined to set up Pitt for a shot on 55 which he placed wide from just outside the area, then on the hour Jeffery was brought down by Blackburn in the D, a promising position for a free-kick. United's two best left feet, Pitt and Hatswell, lined it up, then proceeded to make a complete pig's ear of it, Pitt tapping it left to Hatswell who dribbled across the edge of the box before his shot was inevitably charged down by outrushing defenders. Up went the perennial question: what do they DO in training?? The answer was probably "Well, it worked really well against those bollards..."
Beesley blasted wide a minute later, but he just had not made enough of an impression on the game and was withdrawn on 65 in favour of Magno Vieira. He initially took up position between Boylan and Jeffery, but the formation soon mutated to a 4-4-2 with Gleeson at right-back and Jeffery wide right.
Gleeson cut inside and forced a sprawling save from Henderson on 66 as Boylan awaited any spillage, then Wolleaston galloped forward and saw his effort spin off a defender just wide of the far post. The pressure was growing as the weather improved, now pleasantly sunny as the part of the pitch which was not in the Habbin's shadow began to thaw rapidly and revert to a whiter shade of green.
Pitt was now the outlet of choice down the left and he set up Hatswell for a shot on 70 which was blocked clear of a packed box, then in a delicious move down the right Jeffery sent Wolleaston galloping down the right channel to the byline, pulling it across the six-yard box where Vieira narrowly missed contact and it was cleared for a corner.
Then Pitt crossed low for Boylan whose audacious backheel flick was saved by Henderson, and on 74 Robbie Willmott replaced the lively Jeffery to attack Weymouth with renewed vigour down the right. It was all United now, but that final quality ball still eluded them. Boylan had a shot blocked behind by Blackburn, then another superb move saw Willmott find Vieira whose low cross found Pitt arriving at the far post, but his right-footed scuffer lacked the power to beat Henderson when a left-footed blockbuster would surely have broken the frustrating deadlock.
On 80 Willmott cut inside and aimed a decent shot at the far post which was hacked clear by Weatherstone, and shortly afterwards he and Pitt swapped flanks for the rest of the game to provide added variety to United's probings. But still no breakthrough would come.
Hatswell tested Henderson on 84 at the expense of a corner, Weymouth responded briefly with a couple of flag-kicks of their own, then the indefatigable Carden tried his luck on 87 but blazed disappointingly high and wide from 25 yards. As time began to run away from the U's the visitors picked up two more bookings, Blackburn for mouthing off when his team had actually been awarded a free-kick and Scott Doe for some particularly unsubtle timewasting when supposed to be taking a throw-in.
United were presented with one last chance at the death when Blackburn brought Vieira down and Hatswell lined up another free-kick, this time without Pitt's 'help,' but he lashed it straight into the wall in a microcosmic moment that summed up the match.
For all United's possession, they had created precious few real chances and given the keeper little cause for concern, while some players are still searching for something approaching their best form. The results from other games - all of our rivals won - set a few alarm bells ringing, but at least that should stop any thoughts of complacency setting in. So near now, but still so far; and next, another trial by TV. Let's not have anyone sticking a fork in our playoff balloon now, please...
Statto Corner
Today's match was the first time ever that United have failed to score against Weymouth at the Abbey. They had always notched at least once before in fifteen previous meetings in Conference, Southern League, FA Cup and Southern League Cup, winning nine, drawing four and losing only two.
Robbie Willmott has now made eleven league appearances this season, all as substitute. That is two less sub outings than Stephen Smith, but Smudger has at least started one game this term. The present record holder for number of substitute runouts in a season without starting a match is Alex Revell, who came on nine times in 2002-03. Aggy did of course eventually get to start a U's game; apart from current players Willmott and Mikey Hyem (five this season, one last), the only United man to make as many as five sub appearances without ever starting was Colchester loanee Craig Hughes last season.
The highest number of league games off the bench in any one season is shared by two JTs, John Taylor in 1999-2000 and John Turner in 2004-05, both with 22; Taylor also started 18 while Turner started 16. Both men scored six goals.
The estimable Shaggy's league sub total of 95 is a U's record that will probably never be beaten. The only other players to have come on over thirty times are John Turner (45), David Bridges (42), Alex Revell (37), Michael Kyd (36), Dan Chillingworth (35), David Preece (35), Chris Leadbitter (32), Tom Youngs (32) and Darren Quinton (31).
Player Ratings
Potter 6. Better than Tuesday, but in truth he had very little to do.
Albrighton 6. By no means at his best, although solid enough.
Morrison 6. Adequate, with room for improvement in his distribution.
Hatswell 7. Showed how much United have missed his coolness at the back and his threat pushing forward.
Gleeson 6. Decent game without pulling up any trees.
Carden 8. Consistent excellence.
Wolleaston 6. An improvement on recent form, but still a long way to go to recapture his early season level.
Pitt 6. Busy and always involved, however the standard of his set pieces is frankly dire for someone with his undoubted skill.
Beesley 5. The struggle continues for Mark; another different striking line-up didn't help, but he just can't seem to make much of an impression no matter where he plays.
Jeffery 7. Industrious and strong for a littl'un in his first start.
Boylan 6. Worked his socks off again, but the chances didn't come his way today.
Vieira 7. Looked bright and dangerous and must surely start on Monday.
Willmott 7. Lively and positive sub.
Match Summary
United huffed and puffed nearly as much as the howling Arctic wind, but their work in the final third was just not of sufficient quality to break down a stubborn Weymouth side happy to settle for a point. They will need to retrieve that cutting edge sharpish if the season is not to end in a blunt full-stop.
Man of the Match
Paul Carden. One of the few U's men to maintain his standards in what can only be described as the current mini-blip, his industry and quality shone through the blizzard like a radioactive St Bernard wearing a fluorescent dog coat.
Ref Watch
Coote 6. Yet another disciple of the no-contact school, he was all too quick to whistle any time a player fell to the ground whether a foul had been committed or not. Didn't exactly help the spectacle along, when it needed all the help it could get.
Non-League Player's Name of the Week
Chasetown's alliteration king, Daniel Dubidat.
Soundtrack of the Day
Guillemots 'Get Over It'
Andrew Bennett
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