Histon 2-0 U's: Two wheels on my wagon
Wednesday 16th January 2008 - Histon 2-0 U's: Two wheels on my wagon
There is no historical record of any UFO activity over Histon. But from the dimly illuminated gloom of the village football ground, the colourfully lit lorries and vans which motor past on the adjoining bridge look as if they are flying up into the inky night sky like so many alien vehicles come from a distant galaxy to explore Earth's greatest centre of learning. No, not the Abbey Stadium. And watching them glide soundlessly by was about the most entertainment any Cambridge United supporter could get on a dismal, chilly Wednesday evening as their team slid to a lame, depressing defeat to its nearest rival for the second time this short year.
When it comes to trilogies, the third one along is usually a disappointment - think Godfather, Alien, Morrissey's 'Kill Uncle' - although in fairnness neither of the first two U's/Histon clashes have been exactly feasts of flowing football, more tests of endurance. So it was rather less than a surprise that part three, an FA Trophy clash on a freezing cold Impington night, proved about as alluring an attraction as a lapdance from Christopher Biggins.
Little more than half of the New Year's Day audience for the same contest was in attendance, and the atmosphere was notably less charged, as if both sides were simply sick of the sight of each other. We were at least spared the cacophony of the Histon Hound's attempts at drumming this time, as he attempted to flog people free headsets instead.
After perusing the matchday programme, the mood could even have been described as somewhat conciliatory after recent public outbursts from certain quarters, with Steve Fallon admitting his club's relative paucity of facilities but comparing their situation with that of the Mighty U's back in the halcyon days of the late 1970s when they rubbed shoulders with the 'big boys,' and their chairman promising to take on board the feedback he had received, "all of which was constructive". I take it he didn't get my e-mail, then...
Even the pre-match music was happy-clappy: 'Healing Hands', 'Lifted', 'Happy Talk', er, 'Kung Fu Fighting'...?
Dear old Graham Eales was also good enough to remember recently deceased former U's and Histon keeper Keith Barker, and there was little sign of any local rivals' needle as the players trotted out onto Histon's hotchpotch of mud, sand and a light smattering of grass. It wasn't a great surface, although hard to believe it was any different to Saturday when the match was originally scheduled and those nice people from the Football League grading committee came a-calling, but the general concensus seemed to be "let's just get this out of the way, eh?"
JQ made two changes from the side which produced such unrewarded heroics at Molineux eleven days previously, Danny Brown and Stephen Reed making way for Courtney Pitt and Lee Boylan as United reverted to their tried and trusted 3-5-2. The hosts' side showed only one change from the previous derby game, Patrick Ada replacing man-flu-ridden Mat Mitchel-King.
Histon made the better start, playing the direct 4-4-2 which has served them so well in recent years, and first threat came from Adie Cambridge's corner on 3, Matt Langston powering a header goalward which was tipped over from just under the bar by Danny Potter; something of an ominous start, as United should have been more than familiar with their opponents' aerial strength from set pieces.
The U's were having difficulty in getting going, unable to string any passes together or bring their forwards into play, and Histon next went close on 7 as their front two combined, Daniel Wright finding Antonio Murray who tested Potter with a powerful drive that was pawed clear.
United continued to attempt to play their passing game on the heavy pitch and on 10 Paul Carden found Pitt on the left, who cut inside and flashed a right-footed shot wide of the near post. They gained their first corner four minutes later but failed to create a scoring opportunity, but they were now at least giving as good as they were getting, if not exactly firing on all cylinders.
Play switched from end to end, and on 20 Carden gave home keeper Danny Naisbitt a comfortable save with an underpowered poke for goal. Histon responded with a break down the right, and Gareth Gwillim's dangerous cross looked bound for his two waiting strikers until it was well headed away by a diving Michael Morrison.
Ironically enough, Histon looked most likely to create something down the flanks, while United were more reliant on their central combination of Carden, Mark Convery and Rob Wolleaston to plough down the middle like so many souped-up tractors, the latter firing high and wide on 25 after a typical rampaging run.
Still gradually improving, Convery almost set up Scott Rendell with a perceptive chip on 28, but the ball was nicked from his toes by Langston's fine tackle. Thus far the tackling had been robust without any real aggro, but ref Langford tired of Craig Pope's consistent fouling just before the half hour and showed him the night's first yellow card for bringing down Pitt.
United were now definitely in the ascendant but had yet to test Naisbitt. Wolleaston picked out Rendell on 35, but his quick turn and shot lacked control and it flew towards the UFOs on the hill.
The slushy surface lent itself to some tasty sliding tackles, but booking number two was for a push, Erkan Okay shoving Rendell over on 39 just outside the box. From the free-kick Wolleaston set up Convery, but he flashed his shot narrowly wide, a brief brush with the side netting causing the most fleeting of flushes of excitement for the amber hordes.
The U's pressure continued to grow slowly and Rendell and Naisbitt came together when going for Convery's cross, the United striker harshly but predictably adjudged to have fouled the home keeper when he fumbled it.
It looked like a deadlock heading into the interval, but in the last minute United were left undone in the most predictable manner imaginable. It came, inevitably, from an Adie Cambridge long throw from the left; Histon packed the box, Nathaniel Knight-Percival nodded it on, and it flew over the heads of everyone, including the poorly positioned Potter, and nestled in the far corner of the net like a particularly unwelcome cuckoo. Will we never learn: 1-0.
There was barely time for the shellshocked to U's to respond, although Wright managed to pick up a foolish booking for trying to block a Convery free-kick from point-blank range in the centre circle. Overall United had just shaded it, but their failure to create much in the way of scoring chances had cost them dear with that late set-piece sucker punch. Histon would be a hard nut to crack in the second half.
The U's had never approached the inspirational heights of their performance against the Wolves, and it was now apparent that they would have to raise their game if they were to salvage their last remaining chance of a cup run this season. Opening exchanges in part two were lively, and Knight-Percival was forced into an early injury-induced withdrawal on 48, to be replaced by Jamie Barker.
But it all went Fern Britton-shaped on 51 thanks to some shoddy defending by the visitors. Okay and Murray linked down the right, Murray battled to the touchline and appeared to have been stopped by Morrison's lunging challenge, but he recovered as the rest of the United defence froze to square it back to Wright, lurking unmarked in the right channel eight yards out; his low first-time shot scudded past Potter at his near post before the U's glovesman could react. Oh dear: 2-0.
A minute later Cambridge's cross from the right bounced off the top of Potter's bar, and it was now apparent that a fast and gutsy response was required from the visitors if they were to get back into the game.
It never came.
Histon redoubled their efforts, closing United down all over the park, and they simply had no response. The wing-backs were anonymous, Dan Gleeson as effective as a hologram and Pitt more wasteful than an idling 4x4, the midfield had left their passing boots on the A14 and were playing as if they were wearing diving boots, and the forwards were getting increasingly frustrated at a standard of service on a par with a Cambridge bus in the rush hour.
The clinging pitch was poor but could be in no way held up as an excuse by the white-shirted underachievers, of whom only Carden and Josh Coulson could say they were doing themselves any sort of justice. Histon were simply better in every department, both individually and as a unit, and United had no creative response.
Cambridge picked up the hosts' fourth yellow on 57 for a clumsy foul on Gleeson, and on the hour Leo Fortune-West was introduced to replace a frustrated Boylan. LFW wasted no time in flattening old adversary Pope on the left touchline, and was booked before he had even touched the ball. As a declaration of intent it was impressively single-minded, if any mind was behind his actions.
United still looked devoid of ideas and, even more depressingly, fighting spirit, with a distinct lack of leadership apparent out on the park when what they really needed were some fist-clenching characters to gee them up. Their get-up-and-go seemed, frankly, to have got up and gone.
A rare Gleeson cross found Wolleaston on 68, but his goalward nod was straight at Naisbitt, and three minutes later Pitt was withdrawn after another frustrating performance in favour of Reed. It made precious little difference.
With the loyal away support becoming increasingly restive, so much so that a certain Histon player was apparently reduced to throwing mud at them, the atmosphere began to grow increasingly like that of last season's FA Trophy debacle at the same venue. This time, though, Histon did not seem too bothered about chasing more goals but were content to hold onto their lead, cosy in the knowledge that their opponents posed no threat to it whatsoever.
Potter tipped a Murray shot around the post on 75, and from the ensuing Cambridge corner Langston headed narrowly past the angle, and five minutes later Gleeson found his name in the book, rather harshly, for a clash with Barker.
Robbie Nightingale replaced the energetic John Kennedy for the hosts on 84, and the sub's first action was to make a reckless tackle on Carden, to which the United loanee foolishly responded with a tap to the back of his head. After consulting with his linesman, the ref showed Nightingale yellow and Carden a straight red, the retaliator as ever punished more harshly than the instigator. They should surely both have seen the same colour.
That just about wrapped up another evening to forget for the stumbling U's, the sort which we thought had been consigned to last season, but it got even worse as full time approached when LFW lunged wildly at Okay and caught him mid-shin. It looked horrendous and received the reward it merited: another straight red. All those years of experience and it seems Leo has learned nothing.
The four minutes' injury time (if they had included time for mental injury, they could have added a couple of days on behalf of the U's fans) saw another Histon sub, Matty Haniver for Okay, and another United booking, a harsh one for Coulson, then it was, mercifully, all over.
There is no doubt Histon deserved their win, whatever the conduct of some of their players. What should concern JQ is the conduct, and the attitudes, of his own players, who so inspirationally raised their game for the Big One at Molineux, and so dismally failed to meet even the most minimal of standards when the going got tough in the Glassworld mud. Going down to your (like it or not) closest rivals without a whimper is just not acceptable.
It seems JQ believes that some new blood might be the answer. Perhaps a change of tactics might also be in order. What is certain is that the manager's stated enthusiasm for the psychological side of the game will be tested as never before, and will need to yield rapid results if all of United's momentum up until Boxing Day is not to dissipate prematurely and float off into the ether like a cloud of evaporated hope. Or a UFO. Go to it, lads.
Statto Corner
Today was the sixth occasion on which United have had two players sent off in the same match since 1970. The list of shame is as follows:
14/12/02 - Terry Fleming and Luke Guttridge in a 2-2 draw at Lincoln.
15/12/97 - Paul Wanless and Martin Butler in THAT 2-1 FA Cup defeat at Stevenage.
1/4/84 - Andy Beattie and Mike Bennett in a 1-1 draw at Crystal Palace.
24/11/79 - Jimmy Calderwood and Derrick Christie in a 5-3 defeat at Burnley.
17/10/70 - Colin Meldrum and Peter Leggett in a 1-0 win at Lincoln.
United have never had two players sent off at the Abbey in the Football League (and post-FL) era. Not that I wish to tempt fate or anything...
Player Ratings
Potter 7. Not sure where he was for the first goal, but left exposed by his defence for the second and was otherwise untroubled.
Coulson 8. The young man stuck to his task and put more experienced colleagues to shame.
Albrighton 6. Rare mediocre outing for the acting skipper.
Morrison 5. Must hold his hand up for goal number two and failed to meet his usual standard.
Gleeson 4. Apart from a couple of crosses, drifted unnoticed through another unsatisfactory performance.
Wolleaston 6. Showed some signs of life at times but seemed too often to have his boots on the wrong feet.
Carden 7. Best of a very ordinary bunch in midfield, stupid sending-off.
Convery 5. Disappointingly anonymous after doing so well at Molineux. Good chance blown.
Pitt 4. Courtney at his most irritating: nifty footwork followed by poor cross after poor cross, or just losing the ball, does not a good wing-back make.
Boylan 6. Toiled tirelessly up front with feeble back-up from his midfield.
Rendell 5. Also did his best but his service was diabolical.
Fortune-West 2. Notable only for a couple of stupid, mindless tackles which brought him a deserved dismissal. There's no fool like an old fool.
Reed 5. Couldn't do worse than Pitt, but failed to make any impression on a game which was already lost.
Match Summary
Feeble United flopped to a second defeat to the villagers in sixteen days with a tepid, desultory display which was never enough to defeat their committed, well-organised opponents. And two straight reds were the icing on the cack.
Man of the Match
Josh Coulson. United's least experienced player miraculously managed to maintain a decent level of performance where so many around him signally failed to do so.
Ref Watch
Langford 6. Tried to control the game by card-waving instead of proper communication with the players, although United's culprits have only themselves to blame for the sendings-off.
Non-League Player's Name of the Week
Ledbury Town's vampiric Zac Blood.
Soundtrack of the Day
Mystery Jets 'Flakes'
The MP3 Files
Mark Peters lends an ear to the Bridge Road sounds. "You know, the older I get, the more I find myself listening to radio stations with names like Smooth or Easy or Nice or something, which play comforting oldies from my younger days in the Seventies and Eighties. I guess I'm past the stage of wanting to listen to 'challenging' new music like 'grime' and 'crunk' and whatever other tuneless racket young people come up with these days!
"So listening to the music at Histon was quite a pleasant experience for an aging rocker like myself! There was disco from my youth like Carl Douglas, Earth, Wind & Fire and Edwin Starr, some 'baggy' stuff like the Soup Dragons and Happy Mondays, relaxing pop from Elton John and the Lighthouse Family, and something silly from Captain Sensible. I can't say that Leo Sayer's 'You Make Me Feel Like Dancing' has aged well, however - it sounds a bit too much like that ruddy Mika to me!! MP3 verdict: 7/10"
Andrew Bennett
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Andrew's previous match reports
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