Saturday 29th September 2007 - Forest Green 3-1 U's: Sucking Lemons

It's amazing what you can buy at Ikea these days. Kitchens, furnishings, stuff for every room in the house, and more. But I didn't realise until today that they also sell flat pack football stadia. That was the impression that the 301 travelling U's fans got today as they became the first supporters to occupy Forest Green's newly opened South Stand at The New Lawn.

Unfortunately Rovers were in such a rush to get it opened that they hadn't finished assembling it. Either that, or they had lost the instructions. Or they were in Swedish. The amber hordes were presented with a modest little structure with no barrier between it and the pitch, 462 seats bolted to concrete steps with a backboard behind them of crudely nailed sheets of wood.

The toilets inside were even more of a work in progress, with panelling missing left, right and centre, no hot water and no hand drying facilities whatsoever. The PA announcer's claim that the remaining work was merely 'cosmetic' was understated in the extreme. The seats had clearly been recycled from Rovers' old ground and stored for a long time, their normal green colour made filthy by accumulated brick dust which the club had not bothered to so much as attempt to wipe clean.

But let us not give the impression that Forest Green was not a welcoming club; they're just a small outfit, short of cash. Their home town of Nailsworth is a pleasantly picturesque little place in the middle of nowhere (known to the locals as 'Gloucestershire') and United's first-ever game in the Conference two years ago was at their old ground, The Lawn, two-thirds of the way up a huge hill. Now it is a housing estate called Forest Rise, and Rovers' new home is slightly further up the same hill, although not so far as to require breathing apparatus due to the rarified altitude.

United were also the first club to play at The New Lawn last season, enjoying a local bishop's consecration ceremony before kick-off, but the 'away' end was then still more of a concept than an actuality. Now with the South Stand open, the ground is still little more than three-sided, with an all-seater main stand along one side, a covered terrace at the other end, and a mostly empty space along the other side, occupied only by three camera platforms and a small open terrace at one end reserved for smokers. Quaintly, the fourth official had his own one-man dugout between the two teams' shelters, all on the opposite side to the main stand.

First stop for home and away fans was the social club beneath the main stand, The Green Man, a convivial and roomy place with bar, big screen showing live footy and numerous tables inlaid with scans of old FGR programmes and vintage photos. The food on offer was popular, huge helpings of cottage pie on gigantic plates which satisfied even the largest of appetites. Top marks.

Forest Green have been something of a bogey side for the U's, winning that first clash between the clubs two years ago and having drawn three times since. Now under the wise tutelage of ex-Morecambe manager Jim Harvey, they are playing a pleasing style of passing football and are comfortably placed in upper mid-table, having walloped our old fiends, sorry friends Stevenage 4-2 on Tuesday. Their defensive record of having conceded eleven in their last four games, however, suggested vulnerability at the back.

The club is also struggling for support, with their chairman this week expressing his disappointment that only half of their six home attendances have made four figures this season and that is simply not sustainable at this level. Unfortunately this rural part of England is prime rugby country, with no footballing tradition to speak of. They have done tremendously well to get this far, but without the proverbial wealthy backer coming in, further progress looks harder and harder to sustain.

An overcast but reasonably warm and occasionally sunny day saw the visit of the unbeaten U's to the eleventh-placed Rovers. The United team showed two changes from that which drew with Aldershot as Gavin Hoyte returned from injury to replace Mark Peters, and Stephen Smith made his first start of the season after ten substitute appearances instead of Stephen Reed. Lee Boylan made a welcome return to the bench.

Alan Lewer, Scott Rendell and Reed could all name FGR as a former club; it was Rendell who scored the winner against the U's in that first meeting of the clubs in August 2005. Ex-U Danny Carey-Bertram was on the bench for the hosts, having scored in each of the teams' last two meetings, once for each side in two 1-1 draws.

The day also saw the unveiling of United's new third kit, an alarmingly bright off-the-peg outfit of lemon yellow shirts with royal blue trim and shorts. They had not worn yellow shirts since the early Nineties of John Beck's heyday and had never had a third kit before, unless you count the grey training tops they wore in a friendly at Mildenhall a few years ago when they turned up in black and amber only to find out that the hosts played in the same colours.

The lack of necessity of the Conference's ruling was immediately apparent when the teams ran out from the bizarre breeze block changing rooms which resemble public toilets in one corner of the ground, on the opposite side to the main stand. FGR play in thin black and white stripes (front and back) with black shorts and there is no way that an all-white strip could be confused with it in any way. Ah well, we would have to console ourselves with looking like Sweden. Or Brazil. Or Newmarket Town.

The sparse crowd and openness of the surroundings provided for precious little atmosphere, although the amber hordes did their best, as did the ten or so singers in the home end. Who knows whether it was the mood of the day, the strange strip, or tiredness after a hectic schedule, but this United side bore precious little resemblance to the unbeatable up-and-at-'em stormtroopers of the last few weeks.

The hosts started the match much the better side, playing a slick passing game which made United look sluggish. Danger man Stuart Fleetwood had their first shot inside a minute, blocked by Mark Albrighton, and Chris Giles nodded over on 4. First corner of the match actually went to the visitors but keeper Ryan Robinson clutched comfortably.

First moment of real danger came on 8, when in a packed penalty area Mark Preece fired for goal from ten yards and Danny Potter blocked instinctively on his line, Rob Wolleaston helping to clear from under the bar. United could get no grip on the game at all, Courtney Pitt fully occupied with the positively Liliputian 5" 1' of Les Afful out left and the rest of the midfield looking out of sorts, getting caught in possession and misplacing passes with regular abandon. Most of the 'service' aimed at the front two consisted of hopeful long balls lumped down the channels, almost all of which were easily dealt with by the aerially dominant centre-back duo of Preece and Giles.

It took the visitors until the 23rd minute to gain a second corner, again easy meat for an unchallenged Robinson, and the home keeper had to wait another four minutes before needing to make a save from a rare Rendell header. Rovers continued to dominate possession as the amber hordes watched on in bafflement, wondering what had happened to the team which had so dominated most of its opposition recently. They looked more anaemic than Jose-less Chelsea, only slightly less well paid.

Rovers' second striker Mark Beesley fired over on 29, but the traffic remained mostly one way, and when the hosts' breakthrough came on 37, it was not without a certain inevitability. It was created by more neat interpassing, Anthony Tonkin forging forward, sliding the ball through for Fleetwood, and he sprinted clear of United's ponderous back line to skate around Potter and poke home from close range. 1-0.

Just before half-time United finally created a half-decent chance, Rendell latching onto one of those hopeful long balls, and he got his shot away but saw it blocked by Preece. Last week the U's produced their best 45 minutes of the season in the first half at Stevenage. Now they had produced their worst 45 minutes, a shoddy, one-paced, directionless shambles lacking any energy or imagination. Everyone has an off-day, but all at the same time? The opposition were undoubtedly a decent side, but they weren't exactly Brazil 1970. JQ needed some inspirational words during the interval.

Initial impressions at the start of part two were favourable. The strangers in lemon and blue looked much more like the United we know and they went at the hosts from the off, pinning them back in their own half with some sustained pressure. At last. A Pitt cross on 49 found LFW, who headed on for the inrushing Convery, but his first-time blaster whizzed just past the far post.

All that early promise, however, was undone a minute later when United were caught on the hop by Rovers' first attack of the half. Another flowing move saw Beesley set up Fleetwood, evading the defence again with a penetrating run, and he slotted past Potter at the near post. 2-0.

Another Pitt cross on 53 found Wolleaston galloping forward, but his fizzer was straight at Robinson. Two minutes later JQ decided it was time for Plan B. Hoyte and Pitt were replaced by Peters and Reed and United changed to a 4-3-3 with Gleeson and Reed at full-back and Peters as a third striker. Not that were desperate at all, goodness me, no...

First booking of the day saw Albrighton see yellow on 58 for a foul on Dodgson, and a minute later Boylan made his return to first team action by replacing LFW. If JQ's plan was for Peters to win more aerial ball than Leo had been doing, it didn't really work. United were playing better than in the first half (not difficult) but still firing on about one and a half cylinders; passes were still going astray and with a midfield three no-one was getting down the flanks, so all the crosses were hoisted in from deep and duly gobbled up by Robinson and his defenders.

The bookings began to mount from a ref who seemed to give decisions at random, ignoring an offence one minute then punishing the same transgression minutes later. Dan Gleeson was carded on 61 for a challenge on Dodgson, and Michael Morrison followed him four minutes later for a tackle on Afful.

There was controversy on 70 when Gleeson crossed into the box and Peters appeared to be clearly shoved in the back as he rose to challenge. The ref had a good view but unaccountably gave nothing. Turning point? Two minutes later Rovers extended their lead again. Beesley threaded a through ball for Fleetwood and ignoring U's claims for offside he waltzed down the middle, rounded Potter and finished with cool aplomb for his hat-trick. He's a class act, no doubt about it: 3-0.

Peters was booked for his protests. Now Rovers began their substitutions with the game surely won: Carey-Bertram replaced Beesley on 75, then Jonathan Smith came on for Fleetwood. United continued to probe gamely with Boylan a noticeably lively outlet, but they must have realised that this match was about as salvageable as the Titanic.

Ollie James became the hosts' last sub on 81, replacing Dodgson, and Rendell seemed to be flattened by Robinson as they awaited a free-kick, and final proof that this was not United's day came on 86 when Convery produced a rare moment of inspiration, playing a neat one-two with Boylan down the middle and bursting through only to tumble under a lunging challenge from Giles. Incredibly, instead of pointing to the penalty spot the ref booked Convery for diving, an outrageously poor decision that summed up his day, too.

DCB scampered through as added time beckoned and his scoring would surely be the final indignity, but Potter's feet were in the way. Then as the fourth and last extra minute ticked around, came scant consolation. Gleeson was the creator, his right-wing cross deflected high into the air, and when it fell to Earth there was Boylan, losing his marker in that uncanny way of his, to head powerfully down on the run and past Robinson for a trademark comeback goal. 3-1.

It was too little, too late, of course, and the final whistle sounded seconds later. Encouragingly, the amber hordes stayed to applaud their dejected team from the pitch, trying to raise them for the challenges yet to come. U's supporters have developed a sense of perspective: this was one defeat in thirteen games this term, to a good team which did their club proud, and everyone is entitled to a bad day at the office occasionally. The challenge is now to make sure that this was the exception and games like Stevenage were the norm. Go get 'em, you Lemons.

Statto Corner
Today was United's first defeat in fifteen league games. Last time the U's were bested was on 14th April when they lost 2-0 at Exeter.

It has been even longer since United conceded more than two goals in a game; that was on 13th March, when they were hammered 5-0 at home by York City. Seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?

Player Ratings
Potter 6. Hopelessly exposed by his defence for all three goals.
Morrison 5. Not a game he will remember with any great affection.
Albrighton 5. Even the most consistent players have off-days.
Hoyte 5. A little rusty but tough-tackling as ever.
Gleeson 6. Some decent work down the right in the second half.
Wolleaston 6. Never stopped working and running, sadly to minimal effect.
Smith 5. The odd good run but just not involved enough.
Convery 4. Poorest game for United by some way, he looked sluggish and out of touch.
Pitt 5. Flitted in and out of the match.
Rendell 4. Nightmare; nothing went right from beginning to end. Won about one header all match and played as if he had just washed his feet and couldn't do a thing with them. Never gave up, though.
Fortune-West 4. Didn't receive the greatest supply but rarely looked like getting the better of Rovers' centre-backs.

Peters 5. He's a trier, all right, but with the best will in the world, he ain't no striker and he had little more joy than big Leo.
Reed 5. Fairly quiet out on the left.
Boylan 7. United's one bright spark.

Match Summary
It had to be match number 13, didn't it? After a tremendous run, almost all of the United team managed to have an off-day at the same time, and they were duly sent to defeat by an impressively footballing Forest Green side. It WAS just a one-off, wasn't it...?

Man of the Match
Lee Boylan. Cheering comeback in which he seemed to be playing at twice some of his off-colour colleagues' pace and eventually snaffled a deserved poacher's goal.

Ref Watch
Cummins 3. Another callow youth still learning his trade, a muddled ninety minutes was characterised by wildly inconsistent decision making, several glaring errors and a curious predilection for favouring the home side. You've got a LOT to learn, sonny; couldn't you do it in some other league and come back when you're ready?

Non-League Player's Name of the Week
Newmarket Town's pleasingly alliterative Ibby Ibbutorbosh.

Soundtrack of the Day
Kit Fisto 'Don't Think Too Much, You'll Only Get A Headache'

The MP3 Files
Mark Peters lends an ear to the New Lawn sounds. "As I am sure you all know, the best musical sound in the world is that of the Male Voice Choir - a Welsh one, of course! I certainly appreciate a female voice, too, though. You can't beat a bit of Dame Shirley Bassey belting out a big band tune, or the mellifluous tones of the lovely Cerys Matthews! So it was nice to hear some Dusty Springfield today - super singer - plus Diana Ross and Alicia Bridges. That young Kate Nash is quite pleasant but she's still got a lot to learn, bless her! Klaxons aren't bad if you like all that modern ravey stuff and it was good to hear an old classic like the Foundations' 'Build Me Up Buttercup' too. I'm not sure what effect Forest Green were trying to have with this random mish-mash of music, though. And did they have to play ruddy Take That? At least there was no Mika this time. Thank God for small mercies, eh! Hwyl!" MP3 verdict: 6/10.

Andrew Bennett

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